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Chapter 1
Xavier's School for Gifted Children
Westchester, N.Y.
Friday, December 6, 2005
5 p.m.
The school had been bustling all day with activity, for tonight was the annual end of the school year talent show. It was open to all students and faculty to enter. Marie had thought about entering but changed her mind. She had done some growing up in the five years Logan had been gone. Five years with out a call or letter. Since she had no address to write, Marie wondered if any of the X-Men had been withholding information from her.
Still Marie wrote letters every day and kept them banded with a white ribbon and hidden in a false drawer in Logan's closet. She knew they were all against her having a relationship with Logan at such a young age. They were still hoping that she would get over her so-called 'hero worshiping' of Logan. She still loved him deeply anyway. She hoped that someday he would get to read them and know what her life was like in the years he had been gone.
Charles had indeed withheld information from Marie. The truth was; there wasn't much to tell her. He had tried to contact Logan, but he wanted to be cut off. He knew where Logan was, but he didn't need to lose Marie and possibly any X-Men if she ran off and the Brotherhood attacked.
Logan hoped that without contact with the school, he wouldn't think of Marie, and want to see her. He felt it was better that he be away from her, and then they both would get over each other. Logan wanted Marie to move on and grow in her new life at the school. He just wanted to find his past and get back to his old life before she had intruded upon it in Laughlin City.
As the day became night, the school began to fill the school auditorium, which doubled as a lecture hall. Bobby, Jubilee, Kitty, and Ororo were the ushers and Charles was emcee for the night. Scott and Jean had organized the seating just right where, if Logan decided to come back, his seat would be on the aisle and right in front of them. Marie went backstage to find Charles.
"Charles," she called as he was reading a clipboard with names on it. She always called him Charles after she had been painting because Erik was still fresh in her mind.
"Oh, sorry Professor."
"Yes, Marie. It's all right. I'm used to it. You've been painting again?"
"Yes, I have. I've changed my mind, could you please add me last on the list?"
He picked up her feelings telepathically. He sensed her nervousness and her courage.
"We'll be starting soon."
"Yeah, I know. It's going to take me some time to get ready so I better go."
"All right then. You're added. What will you be doing?"
"A special song."
"Okay."
"Is he?" Marie asked.
"I tried to contact him about tonight. I can't say he'll be here for certain."
"I know. Thanks for trying Professor," Marie said a bit sad.
Now she was going to have to get her nerves in order. She went back to Logan's old room, now her room and pulled out the dress she wanted to wear for the day Logan came back. She wanted to take him out to dinner the night of his return. It was long, black with forest green trim and studded with diamond studs she punched on, via the updated version of a BeDazzler she bought off the Home Shopping Network. If this didn't get his attention, the man was literally blind.
Marie quickly showered and dressed. She donned a black velvet cloak to cover the dress. She finished up dressing by slipping the dog tags just below her cleavage; they would be hidden by the dress.
The auditorium filled quickly and the students and faculty grabbed their seats. Charles put on his mike headset and rolled on the stage.
"Good evening everyone, welcome to the 2005 talent show. I hope you all will enjoy the show."
He moved behind the curtain and Bobby, the Iceman came on stage. He brought a gallon of water and performed a little ice sculpture on stage. He had created an entire Nativity Scene in ice. After the floor was mopped, John, also known as Pyro came and did a reading of Dante's Inferno, complete with hell fires. Kitty and Jubie did a few magic tricks, Kitty obviously disappearing through the walls of the box. A few other students sang and Jean, Ororo, and Scott did a scene from Taming of the Shrew. Some students of the Music class played a few instrumental songs, and the audience had to guess the song.
Charles had been monitoring the school mentally throughout the whole night. Logan wasn't coming; he knew it. Then it was time for the close of the show, and he went back to the stage.
"I know you are getting ready to leave but we have one more performer. Marie has decided to do a song for us tonight. So without saying more, here's Marie."
The music started and Marie strolled forward on stage. She slipped off the cloak and there was a collective gasp in the audience. Bobby came to take her cloak. She looked amazing in the spotlight. Marie raised the mike and began to sing.
"Through the darkness
I can see your light
And you will always shine
And I can feel your heart in mine
Your face I've memorized
I idolize just you."
Everyone in the room knew whom the song was for. Scott was fuming at Logan's nerve to be away so long. He wasn't here to hear this sweet girl's voice.
"I look up to
Everything you are
In my eyes you do no wrong
I've loved you for so long
And after all is said and done
You're still you
After all
You're still you."
Marie now too saw the empty seat and wondered why he hadn't come. Thanks to the beauty of video, and Pietr, the video camera caught everything, including the sadness in her face and the small tears about to fall.
"You walk past me
I can feel your pain
Time changes everything
One truth always stays the same
You're still you
After all
You're still you."
How many times had he walked past her in the days before he left and not said a thing? One truth always stayed the same; Logan was still Logan, tall, dark, all growly, and devilishly handsome under the gruff and hard exterior and interior. The other hard truth was that Marie felt so alone without Logan. Sure, she could have talked to anyone she wanted to but, she wanted Logan and he wasn't there. He was the only one that understood her, deep down.
"I look up to
Everything you are
In my eyes you do no wrong
And I believe in you
Although you never asked me to
I will remember you
And what life put you through."
It was true Marie had looked up to Logan for protection and love. He promised on that train in the station, that he would protect her, and here he left her at this school. Still, he could do no wrong in Marie's eyes. She loved him all the same. After all, how could she judge him? She was untouchable for so long. Marie had mastered her ability and never told anyone. That secret she wanted to share with Logan alone.
She assumed that Charles might know but Marie wasn't about to confirm or deny anything. She believed in Logan even though he never asked her to. She desperately wanted him to find his past, even if it meant that he was a monster back then, she'd forgive him.
"And in this cruel and lonely world
I found one love
You're still you
After all
You're still you."
Marie finished the song and you could have heard a pin drop. Most of the female students and instructors needed tissues. Charles understood why she had chosen the song. He wanted Logan there for her so much. Marie left the stage after the standing ovation Jubilee and Kitty lead. She put on her cloak and headed for her room. Charles caught up with her in the hall.
"Marie, I'm sorry."
"It's not your fault," she didn't turn around, tears streaked down her face.
"I did believe he was coming. If it is any consolation, he missed out on a wonderful performance. You did wonderful. I am glad you decided to join us."
"Thank you. Now, if you will excuse me, I am going to go to bed. It's been a long day and I have final exams to prepare for the children tomorrow," she just couldn't face him, because she knew he would see her heart breaking in her eyes. The part of Erik put up a wall for her to block any intrusions.
"Very well Marie. Good night. Sleep well."
"I will try. Thank you."
Marie went to Logan's old room and carefully slipped off her clothing and hung it back up in the closet, she'd have it dry cleaned later. She showered again, changed into her nightclothes, and crawled into her bed. She cried herself to sleep that night believing that Logan was gone for good and in the morning, things would be different.
Dawn came; Rogue woke up and decided she was no longer Logan's sweet little Marie. She would be numb to allow herself to make it through giving finals in her art classes. She decided to put away all her childish things and move on. There was much to do and much to get rid of. Rogue got up and dressed in jeans, a long sleeve shirt, opting to skip the shower. She went out shopping with Jubilee and Kitty, while they were visiting from their Universities for the holidays and bought three new outfits.
When she got back, she went to the closet, and began to pull out all the things that reminded her of Logan and herself. Rogue sealed everything in huge travel bags, made sure all the air was sucked out, just like it had been sucked out of her. She had even put in Logan's dog tags.
She went about her day and stopped in to ask Professor Xavier for a small redecorating budget. He gave it to her on the condition she made up a budget to see where all the money would go. Rogue felt without asking that he gave it to her because he still felt bad about the night before. Rogue went shopping on her own; this time and bought paint, and a few other things she thought might help her get over her situation.
Later that evening, she snuck out using the parts of Logan and Erik she had left, and got out un-noticed. She picked a beautiful spot that would be untouched by any man at the school. She then buried the plastic bags of clothing and items from her past. She had made her own marker and placed it at the foot of the tree. She held a small funeral ceremony and she began the mourning process. Rogue took one last look, Marie Gordon. 1984-2005. RIP. She snuck back into the mansion and went to bed.
Charles had gotten up to get some tea to help him sleep when he noticed Rogue as she snook back up the stairs to Logan's old room.
After Rogue buried her things where no one would find them, the very next morning she began to dress in black as if she were mourning someone. She was in head to toe black, including a sheer black veil over her face to hide her emotions. She could see out but people couldn't see inside.
For the next week, Rogue acted as if she was functioning automatically. The whole school became concerned over her drastic wardrobe change, but no one said anything because they felt it was just a phase. Rogue agreed with them, just so they would leave her alone. When she finished grading her students and posted her grades, she escaped to her room.
During the holidays she became more reclusive. She would sneak food from the kitchen and eat at odd hours. She endured the Christmas party at the school. Rogue actually dressed in a red and green blouse with jeans and it gave everyone a little hope she had left the all black phase.
Charles and Ororo gave her cruise to Alaska, since she'd always wanted to go. She'd politely thanked them and was genuine, but she wouldn't go without Logan, of course she didn't come out with that tidbit. Jean and Scott gave her keys to a new forest green Volkswagen beetle and a gas card to fill the tank whenever she needed to. She thanked them all and played the Happy Christmas role, happy attitude for everyone.
Then two days before New Year's Eve, Rogue started to really long for Logan, yearning and aching to have him return to her. She continued to dress all in black again and started spending days looking out windows, just waiting for the sound of Scott's bike that he took. She wanted him to return so badly, that she was giving him another chance in her heart.
When he didn't show for New Year's Eve or New Year's Day, Rogue couldn't believe that he hadn't come. Scott started in on her first; telling her that he didn't think Logan was ever coming back. Then it was Jean, Ororo, and her former classmates and students. Now, Charles had it in for her and she grew very angry with everyone and everything, including Logan, because she was being pressed to admit that he wasn't coming back.
Rogue didn't want to acknowledge it, but she finally did.
She was confused about what to do, now that she started to believe that Logan wasn't coming back. She became more depressed and started to cry herself to sleep more often. She was alone in the world. Rogue had no family or friends anymore, she felt like they were all against her. She was now just an army of one. She felt unreal, like it was all a bad dream.
"When can I click my heels and just go home," she asked herself one afternoon.
Rogue got back into painting, painting visions from Erik by the dozens. She hid them in the attic, under her bed and anywhere she could think of hiding them from everyone. Then she suddenly stopped painting and found it impossible to paint. Then she found it impossible to sleep because of nightmares from Logan and Erik, impossible to eat because she had no appetite because of the things she had seen.
Rogue even stopped teaching because she had no energy. They had noticed the less than subtle changes that had been happening to their Marie. Whenever they called her Marie, she would ignore them and keep walking. Somehow, Rogue had earned the nickname of Phantom of Xavier's School for Gifted Children.
When Rogue earned the title, Scott had finally had enough. He went to the Professor's office, but it seemed he was not the first one to the meeting, as Rogue's friends and the other Faculty/X-Men had beaten him there.
"I guess I'm the last one to get in on this little gathering."
"Have a seat Scott. We were just about to come get you," said Jean.
"Uh huh. Sure. So, I assume we are discussing the Mar…Uh… The Rogue Situation?"
"Yes as a matter of fact. I have learned that she is mourning herself. Apparently she believes she is no longer Marie," said Jean.
"Damn that bastard for leaving."
"Is there anything we can do for her," asked Ororo.
"I have tried to get through telepathically but Erik has a wall up. I am still trying to reach Logan but he is unavailable as well. I suppose we'll just have to watch her. She was doing a wonderful job with the art class I had her assigned to, but she just stopped teaching, claiming she was too distracted. Right now I am trying to keep her from running off. We'd have hell to pay if we lost her and Logan found out she was missing."
"He's already going to be upset at her state now. She's not eating Charles," said Jean in Dr. Mode, "From some accounts she hasn't eaten a meal in a week and a half."
"Somehow she's blocked us all out of her room," said Scott. "Somehow she's blocking my visor from working."
"I agree, I think Erik's taken over her body. Get her some food and try and get her health back. Then we'll see what to do from there."
"If not let's get her to the Med Lab and I'll start her on fluids," said Jean.
Scott and Jean got Rogue to the lab and began to get her back to normal for the next few weeks. She got tired of everyone asking if she was ok. By the time Rogue was released she had reorganized her plans. She went back to teaching and stopped wearing black. Now she just wore jeans, t-shirts and opera gloves. She began to read Romeo and Juliet and became obsessed with it.
Rogue began to do research on potions whenever she got to get away to the public library. She hoped no one suspected what she was up to. She made a batch large enough to safely put her to sleep for a week, completely comatose. Just in case the potion killed her, Rogue made a will and sent it to a lawyer, to have all the legal
angles covered, and it was to be kept a secret until the event of her death. She planned everything in full detail.
She never wanted to come back to the school if she could avoid it. There would be too many memories there to haunt her every day.
The next night after Rogue finished mixing her poison, she left a note on her bedside table. She read it one last time…
"I ask you who read this, where for art thou is my Romeo? I ask you; do not save me but leave me to slumber here. I shall return hence fourth in a future time as my body desires. I want to be left alone. Please do as I ask. It will be the last I ask of you. Rogue."
She dressed in the dress she wore the night of the talent show, for Logan. Rogue pulled back the covers of her bed and slipped in. She covered herself with a sheet and took the potion out from under her pillow. She swallowed the whole vial and laid her head to rest on the pillow. It tasted awful, but she figured that is how potions were supposed to taste. It worked relatively fast through her system since she was relaxed. Rogue let the potion's cloudy darkness fill her and her eyes closed…
To Be Continued...
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